Do the locomotion

Whoever said that you need to learn how to crawl before you learn how to walk has never seen a baby. This is the actual progression:

1. Slacker Months - He isn't much for moving on his own, but that's okay because these suckers do all the work for him. He wants a toy? It's there! Milk? Bam, a boob is in his face! Sure, he misses out on some of the good stuff but there's time for that later.

2. Teleportation - You suspect that he can crawl, but if he sees you watching then it's easier for him to just cry until you pick him up. If there's something nearby that he knows you don't want him to have, though, you'll turn around to see that your inert child has magically gotten three feet closer to your antique knife collection. He will then look up at you and cry, pretending all he wants is a teething ring.

3. Crawling - Once you catch him in the act a few times he'll finally admit to crawling and then there's no stopping him. Time to put up the baby gates and apologize to the pets in advance for the years of abuse they are about to receive.

4. Cruising - This is the term for when a baby can stand with help but has to lunge from object to object in order to move, and it's really funny to watch. The several seconds of psyching up, followed by the look of horror when he's in mid-lunge, and finally the relief and joy when he gets to his destination in one piece is well worth recording.

5. Running - Technically, the way the moon orbits the Earth is by traveling forward at the same rate as it descends, so its speed ensures that it continually avoids crashing down. This is the same for babies once they let go of their props. Leaning forward with a frantic moving of the legs is the only way they can stay upright as well as moving forward.

6. Walking - It's not until they can master the run do babies get the whole 'walking' thing under control. For girls this happens fairly quickly, for boys it's around age 14.